TOP TEN DISCIPLINE PRINCIPLES by Dr Sears |
Not so the child with poor self-image. The child who doesn't feel right doesn't act right. His parents don't trust him, so he can't trust himself. No one expects him to behave well, so he doesn't. The bad behavior cycle begins: the more misbehavior, the more punishment, which intensifies the child's anger and lowers the child's self-esteem, producing more bad behavior. This is why our approach to discipline focuses primarily on promoting inner well-being in the child from the beginning. Throughout life your child will be exposed to people and events that contribute to his self-worth and to others that chip away at it. We call these builders and breakers. We will help you to set the conditions that expose your child to many more builders than breakers, and, of course, to be a builder yourself.
8. SHAPE YOUR CHILD'S BEHAVIOR
A wise parent is like a gardener who works with what he has in his garden and also decides what he wants to add. He realizes he cannot control the characteristics of the flowers, when they bloom, their scent and color; but he can add those colors that are missing in his garden, and he can shape it to be more beautiful. There are flowers and weeds in every child's behavior. Sometimes flowers bloom so beautifully that you don't even notice the weeds; other times the weeds overtake the flowers. The gardener waters the flowers, stakes the plants to help them grow straight, prunes them for maximum bloom, and keeps the weeds in check.
Children are born with some behavioral traits that either flourish or are weeded out, depending on how the children are nurtured. other traits are planted and vigorously encouraged to grow. Taken altogether, these traits make up the child's eventual personality. Your gardening tools as a parent are techniques we call shapers, time-tested ways to improve your child's behavior in everyday situations. These shapers help you weed out those behaviors that slow your child down and nurture those qualities that help him mature.
