TOP TEN DISCIPLINE PRINCIPLES by Dr Sears |
Most shaping of a child's behavior is a when-then reaction. (When Billy's room is a mess, Mom says "No more playing outside until it's cleaned up.") Eventually, the child internalizes these shapers, developing his own inner systems of when-then, and in so doing learns to take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. ("When my room is a mess, it's no fun to play there, so I better clean it up.") He learns to shape his own behavior.
At each stage of development, your shaping tools change, depending on the needs of your little garden. In the discipline section of this site, we give you gardening tips to help you confidently shape your child's behavior and make his personality work to his advantage, so he will be a more likable person who contributes to the garden of life.
9. RAISE KIDS WHO CARE. Being a moral child includes being responsible, developing a conscience, and being sensitive toward the needs and rights of others. A moral child has an inner code of right and wrong that is linked to his inner sense of well-being. Inside himself he knows that "I feel right when I act right, and I feel wrong when I act wrong." The root of being a moral child is sensitivity to one's self and to others, along with the ability to anticipate how one's actions will affect another person�and to take that into account before proceeding. one of the most valuable social skills you can help your child develop is empathy�the ability to consider another person's rights and feelings. Children learn empathy from people who treat them empathetically. one of the best ways to turn out good citizens is to raise sensitive children.
Besides teaching children responsible behavior toward others and toward things, also teach them to take responsibility for themselves. one of the most valuable tools for life you can give your child is the ability to make wise choices. You want to plant a security system within your child that constantly reminds him: think through what you're about to do. By learning to take responsibility for their actions in small things children prepare to make right choices when the consequences are more serious. our wish for you is to help you raise kids who care.
10.TALK AND LISTEN
Communicate with your child so she doesn't become parent deaf. The best authority figures specialize in communication with children. oftentimes re-phrasing the same directive in a more child-considered way makes the difference in whether a child obeys or defies you. Wise disciplinarians know how to open up a closed-off child and consider the Golden Rule: talk to your children respectfully.
Besides learning how to talk to a child, it is equally important to learn how to listen. Nothing wins over a child (or adult) more than conveying that you value her viewpoint. Being in charge of your child doesn't mean putting her down.
Each of these discipline points depends on the others. It's hard to be an authority figure, a good model, a behavior shaper and obedience teacher if you and your child aren't connected and you don't know your child. You may know the psychological principles of behavioral shaping, but shapers won't work if you can't communicate with your child. And even a connected relationship doesn't guarantee disciplined children if you fail to convey your expectation that your child obey you. These ten interdependent building blocks form the foundation of the approach to discipline on our site. Put them all together, and you have a blueprint for raising children who are a joy to be with now and who will make you proud in the future.
